I’m Selna Kim – America’s Face of Dating and today we are going to be talking about how to stop depression.
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For you to actually get something out of this video, I’d like for you to come into this with an open mind. To help you open up, I’m going to tell you a little about myself. I was born into a super wealthy and rich family. But when I was around 5 years old my parents went through a tough divorce, I stayed in a shelter for a little while. All of my friends began to outcast me because in my town, divorce was frowned upon so when my neighborhood began to see the police at my house a couple times a week, their parents were saying, “stay away from that kid, that family. It’s difficult for me to talk about. For me to remember how I came out of it, I need to put myself back into that state and then give you the notes on how to consciously place myself there and then out.
I sat at one of those lunch tables that was a circle with 8 seats. Over the course of a week, all of my friends left me and I was left at the table alone. They all left and vanished. But it wasn’t until my family went through bankruptcy that really put me into a deep depression. We couldn’t afford food at the school. We were told by the principle that we were in the bottom 1% poorest families in the school. So I’d be in the lunch line, and get my food then you go to the cashier person to check out. You swipe your card, and then she swiped it again and again. There was no money on it. So, she took my lunch and said “Sorry you can’t eat today.” Everyone in line watches you get your lunch taken because you have no money. I remember I ran out of there one day and just cried in the bathroom.
It wasn’t until high school where I was clinically diagnosed with depression, but we were so poor that we couldn’t afford the drugs or the help. That was when, I asked my mom to borrow money to try out for the baseball team. I promised her I’d make the team, because asking my parents for money was hard as fuck. She usually would break down and cry, and told me that she wouldn’t be able to eat that week and if I asked my dad he’d usually get very angry. I was stealing food at times, it was really bad. I got the money from my mom, and I also had a girlfriend at the time who was really sweet, and she really loved me. I was difficult, and a lot of the issues that came out in my parents divorce I was heat transferring on to her my misery. The day that she eventually had enough and dumped me was the same day that I found out I didn’t make the baseball team.
That put me into a dark place where they advised I had people watch over me because they thought I was so depressed I was going to take my own life. I was like “there’s no way that I can succeed, I’m worthless, etc.”
After getting involved with a mentor in University when I got involved with the club promoting world, I began to learn more about what emotions and depression really is. I learned a lot of those secrets about handling emotion and how you communicate to yourself. I’m happy to say that I haven’t felt a drop of depression in 4 years and I can confidently say that it will never return because of how I communicate to myself in each moment and that’s what I want to share with you.
After that I formed AwakeningAlpha, Selna Kim Studies, and wrote my best selling book about attraction and dating and relationships. I help people across the country with all aspects of their lives, and I’m looking to go international here soon.
But something I realized with studying all of these people is that Some of us tend to avoid our negative emotions, some endure, and then some fight those emotions. I was more of the enduring type.
Jim Carrey said that depression is your avatar telling you it is tired of being the character you’re trying to play.
Most people they label emotions as either positive or negative. But I need you to be open with what I’m about to share with you because in order to remove depression, you need to change your perception.
Emotions are a message.
Corey Wayne said that Pain is life’s way of telling you that you’re doing something wrong – that you’re stuck and need to grow past it for the pain to go away.
In order to grow, you need to let go. Most likely of a thought or perception of that situation.
Just because you have a feeling, doesn’t mean it’s actually true. Feelings don’t mean anything, until you consciously choose it to mean something. Where does it say bad emotion? Wrong? It doesn’t until you actually decide for it to. If you have a stomach ache, and then you don’t place any meaning on it, then it goes away, but if you told yourself the feeling means I’m having a heart attack then you began to become stressed and suffer.
All negative perceptions and emotions exist either in the past or the future. If one is feeling heartbreak sadness, and depression then they are held up in the past. Anxiety and stress are more futuristic emotions. If you feel depressed then, in this present moment, your mind is stuck on the past and it’s creating those emotions for you in the present moment. But the past has happened. While anxiety and stress are from your mind creating problems that may or may not happen in the future. Over thinking is the act of creating problems in your mind that don’t actually exist.
You look into your mind and you find a problem. Show me ugly, or pretty. Show me worthless, or unworthy. You can’t show me that physically because it’s a thought. You can change your thoughts instantly.
Don’t believe me. Listen to this story. I’m telling you what’s going to happen to you, and it’s still going to get you.
A man was riding a train, and on the train car were two kids and another man. The kids were running around, being wild, and making plenty of noise. The man couldn’t focus so he gets a cup of coffee, and comes back. The kids are so rowdy that they actually run in to the man and he spills coffee on himself.
Angry, he gets up and approaches the other man who he assumes to be the father of the kids. “You need to control your kids,” he steams. The man asks him to step outside on the train car to which he states, “These kids aren’t mine. They are actually orphans. Their parents died a few nights ago, and I’m taking them to the orphanage… They’ve been very emotional and hard to control ever since.”
The man instantly goes from angry, to feeling remorse for the children. “I’m sorry,” he states, “if you need anything then let me know.”
He told himself a story about these kids, but that wasn’t what was true and then his perception changed when he found out these kids were orphans.
So change what you’re telling yourself in the moment. When you think you’re unworthy, change that. If you let that thought consume you then you began to talk and communicate in ways that back that thought.
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